Sex isn't just fun. It's good for you too. Every orgasm
releases a flood of the hormone oxytocin, which improves your mood. Regular
rolls in the hay could improve your heart health, reduce stress and depression,
improve your self-esteem, and help you sleep better. Snuggling together
underneath the sheets also makes you feel closer to your partner and enhances
your sense of intimacy.
Couples who talk to
each other about their wants and desires have better sex and a healthier
relationship, research finds. Tell your partner what you like and don't like.
Share your most intimate fantasies and desires. If you're too bashful to say
those private thoughts out loud, write them down in a story or a journal entry
for your partner to read.
Spice up your sex
life by stretching your boundaries as a couple. Play around with foreplay.
Touch each other in new ways. Try out different sex positions to see which ones
feel best. Dress up in costumes and play as characters (nurse-doctor, cowboys).
Move from the bed to the floor, the bathroom, or the kitchen counter. Watch a
dirty movie together. Bring sex toys like a vibrator, anal beads, or feathers
into the mix.
No matter how much
you might want to have sex, your busy schedule can get in the way. So pencil
sexy time into your calendar, just like you would other important dates. Then
you'll be less likely to skip it. Setting a date gives you time to prepare and
something to look forward to. Book sex as often as is realistic -- whether it's
once a week or every other day. Choose times when you know you won't be tired
or distracted.
Working out boosts
stamina in bed and puts you in the mood. Exercise also creates a more toned
body, which improves self-esteem and makes you feel sexier. It's not clear how
much exercise you need to improve your sex life. Start with the standard
recommendations -- 150 minutes of aerobic activity and two days of strength
training a week.
No matter how busy
you are, sex is one part of your day that you shouldn't rush. Don't skimp on
the foreplay. Those extra minutes that you spend touching and kissing each
other help get you aroused and make sex more pleasurable. When you slow down,
you also get more time to spend with your partner. That's good for your
relationship overall.
Women's bodies
naturally make their own lubricant, but sometimes it's in short supply.
Hormonal changes around the time of menopause can cause vaginal dryness that
makes for painful sex. A water-based lubricant is safest to use with condoms.
But, silicone-based lubes are less irritating for anal sex.
Not every romantic
encounter has to end in sex. You and your partner can find pleasure in many
other ways. Take a bath together or give each other a sensual massage. Have a
hot make-out session on the couch. Bring each other to orgasm through
masturbation. Teach each other how you like to be touched. Or just cuddle.
Sex is a potent
stress reliever, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're all keyed up.
After a tough day, do something calming together to relax you. Listen to soft
music. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditation.
Research shows that mindfulness meditation helps women get more in tune with
their bodies during sex.
Kegels strengthen
the pelvic floor muscles that support your bladder. They also relax the vagina
to make sex more comfortable, improve blood flow down there, and make it easier
to reach orgasm. To do these simple exercises, just tighten and relax the
muscles you use to hold in pee. And they're not just for women. Men who
practice Kegel exercises have better erections and more intense orgasms.
Sometimes all you
need to rev up your sex life is a change of scenery. Take a trip together. You
don't have to go far, but certain settings -- like the ocean or mountains --
are ideal for rekindling romance. Turn off your cell phones and focus on each
other. For an extra spark, pretend that you've just started dating -- or that
you're strangers who've met up for a forbidden tryst.
Sometimes the
solution to better sex is in your medicine chest. Some drugs, such as
antidepressants and blood pressure medicines, can reduce your desire. The
problem could also be a medical condition like heart disease, vaginal dryness,
multiple sclerosis, or depression. Schedule a check-up to find out whether a
health issue might be affecting your sex life. Be honest with your doctor about
the problem, so you can find the right answer.
A sex therapist is
the person to see if something is bothering you in the bedroom. Therapists are
licensed psychologists or social workers who can address problems such as a
lack of desire, trouble getting an erection, or problems reaching orgasm. You
can meet with a therapist alone or together with your partner.
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